Last night DH came home from work and told me something that surprised me...I suppose I should preface this by saying that he is in the military. He told me about one of his co-workers who is in a terrible situation. The co-worker and his wife are both military pilots. They have a 3 mo old baby. The wife is being sent to Iraq next month and the husband has to move to another base where he will be going through some training to fly a new aircraft. DH was shocked that his male co-worker is planning on taking his baby with him to the new base. DH said that he would probably "ship the kid off to a grandparent" until he was through with the training. I was really disturbed (and saddened) by his reaction! DH is a very sweet and attentive father. I would have thought he would have supported his co-workers decision to take the baby with him...but I guess I was wrong . What do yo think your DH would do?

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Mari

Proud mama to Liam and Chloe

Wow :( I can see how you were saddened by that response. I guess none of us really know what the response would be until we ask. I'm pretty sure DH would take DD with him. The only reason I'm so sure, though, is because he only works part time and stays at home with DD on Mon, Wed and Fri.

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~Jessica~

Mom to Shae 7/05

My husband is also military. It is so hard for both partners to be active duty, I don't know how a marriage can survive because the schedules are so demanding. Honestly, I would have to agree with your husband about shipping the baby off to a grandparent. I say this only because training is so hard, so stressful and so time consuming. I wouldn't be surprised if his training days lasted 14+ hours each day.

I can't say what my husbadn would do because that is the reason why I am a SAHM. My 28 month old daughter has lived in 3 different states so far and my 9 month old has lived in 2 different states. It sucks but that is part of what being a military family is about, you don't always get to be with your family.

Also, when my husband has to move to another state for training that will last 4 months, we won't be joining him until we get our final orders as to where we will be living for, hopefully, 3 whole years. It's not that we wouldn't rather be with him, it's just that all the moving is very stressful on the kids and unlike a deployment, we can visit when schedules permit : )

Kelly

It's hard to say what my dh would do. I have two kids and he has parented them very differently. My first was a boy and he helped me out a lot with him when he was a baby. There was a much different dynamic though when my dd came into the picture. He acts as though he doesn't know how to care for a girl. Like it's that much different than caring for a boy baby.

Anyway, I can see how you'd be disappointed in your husband's response, but it wouldn't surprise me at all if most men would take the grandparent option if it were one.

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Blythe
Mom to Luke & Karli

OMG Blythe DH actually said it might not be appropriate for him to change a little girls diaper. ROTFL...he was kidding, well sort of. He knew it was appropriate but he still didn't change her diaper much. LOL.

Maybe I am old fashioned but I would probably feel like a 3 month old baby would need a grandma or something like that.  That is a very little baby and I am really impressed with this young dad that is willing to go it alone.  Don't be sad that your DH said that, he just thinks that would be best for the baby. 

My DH is really incompetent when it comes to babies.  If they cry he shakes things in front of their face and talks in his loud booming voice.  He is better when they are happy and wanting to be thrown in the air or some other ridiculous thing.  He is better with big kids, which is fine because I don't like sharing the baby! 

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Meg

Shop At Home Mom to
Nicholas (10/12/00)
Lexi (5/3/02)
my sweet baby Luke (8/1/05)

Wow, to be shipped off away from a 3mo, that's got to be hard.  My DH is good with the kids but if he were working fulltime as the only parent of a baby, I do think he'd consider sending the baby to my mom, as he has a really high opinion of her parenting skills (definitely not to *his* mom though.. he would probably vote for "let wolves raise it" first LOL.)  He knows a working dad who is an "only parent" so I think he's heard how hard it can be at school-age... let alone a baby... that is what I base my guess on.

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mom to DS (march 2003) and DD (may 2005)

My DH without any doubt would send my son off to the grandparents. And I would probably worry about Logan less that way. I love my dh, but caring for a baby is not one of his strong points. In fact, we just spent the last 3 days moving and he probably hasn't even held our son (which makes me sad) during that time.

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Ann

Mommy to Logan 8-25-05

Mine would definitely keep the baby with him but I'm pretty sure he'd beg his retired parents to move in with him too so they could help out ;)

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Ann, Full-time mama of 2 crazy kids and a sling'n toddler

My DH would most definitely take DS with him, at times I think he is a better mother than I am!  He is so wonderful with Brady and cares about him so much.  We almost had a fight about who would stay at home with the little guy.

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Angie

Mom to Brady (4.04) and another little bun in the oven EDD 9.14.06

gool0005 wrote:

My husband is also military. It is so hard for both partners to be active duty, I don't know how a marriage can survive because the schedules are so demanding. Honestly, I would have to agree with your husband about shipping the baby off to a grandparent. I say this only because training is so hard, so stressful and so time consuming. I wouldn't be surprised if his training days lasted 14+ hours each day.

I can't say what my husbadn would do because that is the reason why I am a SAHM. My 28 month old daughter has lived in 3 different states so far and my 9 month old has lived in 2 different states. It sucks but that is part of what being a military family is about, you don't always get to be with your family.

Also, when my husband has to move to another state for training that will last 4 months, we won't be joining him until we get our final orders as to where we will be living for, hopefully, 3 whole years. It's not that we wouldn't rather be with him, it's just that all the moving is very stressful on the kids and unlike a deployment, we can visit when schedules permit : )

Kelly

 

Sorry for chimming in so late on this one ...

Kelly,  thanks for the sacrifices of being a military wife!!!!  We did that for 8 years and still have many friends living with intense training or deployments. 

My husband & I would agree that its "ideal" if one or the other parent could be with the child, but thats "ideal".  Often times military families are forced to deal with "reality".  If the dad can get good child care and his training isn't going to be the 14+ hours a day type .... then Go Dad!  but if the poor baby is going to be in a new daycare for 14+hours a day,then go home with stressed & tired dad, mom overseas, probably full tiime grandparents are the lesser of two evils .... well, I guess that depends on the grandparents .... some you can trust and some you just can't .... now there is whole other discussion alltogether!

Certainly not the "ideal" any way you look at it and my heart breakes for all the families having to makes these choices.

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Blessings~ Heather

mama to Mikayla (9-7-95), Gus (9-17-98),
Owen (2-27-02) & Ezekiel (9-14-05)

married to Allen (7-17-03)

Yikes, this is a tough decision!  I agree with the PP about "reality."  My hubby and I were both military until last summer, when I got out after DD was born.  While I was pregnant, I was stationed on the East coast and he was in Alaska...no fun!  We did not decide who would get out until he had new orders...if he was not offered a "good" job, he was going to get out and stay home with the baby.  We're both very happy with the way it worked out for us, but we were lucky to be at the end of our obligated service, and able to quit if we wanted to.  I know a family where the dad is retiring soon, and the mom is transferring cross-country (a few months before the retirement).  Their awesome solution is that she goes, with the baby, and her parents move in with her to be stay at home grandparents until the hubby retires and is a SAHD.  I think that is so cool.  But a person deploying to Iraq doesn't have that option.  How sad for the baby!  So what would my DH do?  Quit the service, I guess.. :) 

My dh would ask me to quit.  Or I would probably suggest it.  I really think a 3 month old needs its mama...and her breastmilk.  I can't believe the government would separate a 3 month old from its mama.  I am soooo sad about this.

If I absolutely had to go I am sure dh would ask his mom to move in to take care of the children...but I am still in shock and sad and don't want to think about it.

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Susan~Wife to Andrew; Mama to a grown up sling boy, Atticus, and a little wrapped love, Creeley

I bet my DH would let the kids live with my parents during the training time and visit when he could.  That is so hard.  We know a guy who's "baby-mama" (we live in Indy, she's in seattle) is out at sea (she's navy) and her baby is 24 hour daycare....its really sad....he's trying to get custody while she's out at sea. 

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Jess
Mom to Jack & Quinn

Indy Babywearers--contact me for more info!

Wow Jess, that is sad... I hope that baby gets to be with its daddy instead of living in daycare.

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mom to DS (march 2003) and DD (may 2005)

My husband and I are both active duty air force, and we've been lucky with being stationed together and daycare free for 3 years.  It is very hard sometimes though.  But if we were in the situation that the family you mentioned are in, we probably would have sent the baby to a grandparent.  Military training can be very unpredictable, and reasonable 24hour daycare is rare.  Not to mention all of the things that would stress out a baby.  A nice stable environment with grandparents is preferable in my opinion.  I see if happen fairly often here in my workcenter.  But most of those situations involve a single parent in the military.

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~~ Lexi ~~
CJ & Corbin