I definately fall under the "gentle discipline" category.  It's the way I grew up.  Dh grew up VERY different.  He grew up having to cut his own switch.   He figured it worked for him, so it will work for our kids.  Granted we also dont have a switch tree out back...but you KWIM.  Iknow that when I discipline Jack *my* way, he responds much better, but dh just sees it as coddling.  Any suggestions?

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Jess
Mom to Jack & Quinn

Indy Babywearers--contact me for more info!

  Good question.. if anything DH is more gentle than me, but again as a result of his experiences while growing up... also partly supported by "what worked" with raising his cat from a kitten though; if he behaves differently when training pets maybe you can appeal to that?   (If!)

Is your DH a reader? You can maybe share some GD books with him. Here's a link with some suggested reading:

http://www.mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?t=115037

Otherwise, maybe he will start to see that your way gets results? Hope you get him to come around!

My father in law joked when Gabriel was born and said.. well here comes the kids... there will be beatings.. haha

I said.. you beat my kid you never see him again.

DH believed me and has never raised a hand.

I think it is how they were raised.. my DH was "spanked" and swore he would never do it..

Maybe some good reading or examples of positive discipline?

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Proud mother of Gabriel 4/23/02 and Rebecca 5/13/05

We have a similar problem.  I was never spanked.  DH's mother used a ruler while his father preferred the belt.  We were having a "discussion" about this one day when I finally said to DH, "you were hit.  Did it work?" and he said "I remember laughing the day the ruler broke." and then admitted that no, he didn't think it worked.  It made him fear his father, but it didn't keep him from doing things that he shouldn't have done, especially when they were not around to see it. He has not brought up spanking for disipline since. 

My FIL made a joking comment about hitting DS one time.  I didn't really say much at the time (I didn't know how to respond, and he had been drinking and I just didn't want to start a fight), but I can tell you that he will never be alone with my children.

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Dorothy

Jess--we're going through the same thing. :(

My dh thinks that I'm "babying" our dd's. He even went so far as to say that I'm babying our 10 month old because she "wanted up" the other day. It's been quite a struggle. I wish that I had some advice--if I find anything that works, I'll report back. :(

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SAHM mom to 2 beautiful girls

We're in the same boat, too.  Dh & I had a huge fight the other night because my "way" isn't working and he'd decided he was going to start spanking.  I told him he did and I was leaving.  I just wish I had something gentle that would get our 4 year old to stop doing stuff when we ask him so dh wouldn't even think about spanking.

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Lisa, mommy to B (8/01) and C (7/05)UBAC!

We are just getting started with discipline on our first baby and can already see how hard it is.  I am enjoying your insights.  I think that hitting may simply be an easy way out - a way to avoid the planning and effort required to properly discipline your children.

On an unrelated note - do you think it's ironic that there is a new button in these forums at the bottom of every post labeled "Report Abuses"?  I'm pretty sure it has nothing to do with the topic...

David.

Well, I hate to sound like a broken record, but we have similar issues in my household, as well.  We have been married for 2 years, and together for four.  We are raising my 11 and 13 year olds as well as our 2 month old.  Of course, we aren't having problems with the baby, but disciplining the older kids is a constant source of disagreement for us.  My husband is finally starting to see that his way doesn't work, but it has been a really slow transformation.  He did spank the kids in the beginning, but hasn't done that in a long time.  Now he lectures and hands out groundings, which I have said over and over don't work.  He finally bought "positive discipline for teens" a few weeks ago, and I am hoping we can read it together and adopt some of the principles together. 

The advice that I would give is to try to find a book, or possibly a book on CD if your husband doesn't like to read.  I think it would be best if you could agree on a strategy, maybe look for a book together, and use a strategy that you can both live with.  My experience has been that it's really hard to get your spouse to see everything your way, but if you can both compromise, it should work out.  Just don't wait till the kids are teens like my older ones are!

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Tessa

Mom to Mitchell 1-1-93,
Bailee 12-20-94
Tristan 11-27-05

My DH grew up the same way as your DH was. Thanksfully though he keeps an open mind -- ie BW and extended BF-- child lead household. We gentle discipline also-- that was not what I was raised as though so I have to go by feel and valuable books! I read Dr Sears book of discipline and it really works amazingly! I often read it to DH so that he understands why I do the things and discipline the way I do. Dr Sears makes valuable points and reasons for the WHY to discipline this way and that way. I try to explain to DH that I want our children to have great self respect and worth and discipling this way provides it for them and helps us as well. He kinda gets and and tries to understand-- especially when I ask him if cutting his own switch helped him with his self esteem?

 

HTH