Attached to Baby

Anyone want to share about your family bed ... without fear of the "get them in thier own beds" response.   

 We have 4 in our bed most nights ... dh and me and Z (12months on Thurs), and  O(4 yrs).  We put on the crib side car style after Z was born because O was just not ready to move out of our room and we only have queen size bed.  Can you say: running out of room!!!!

Works out pretty good most nights if O will just nurse to sleep and stay in his crib, but if he wakes up, he climbs over dh to get to me (baby Z is on the other side of me by our bed rail).  Good thing dh is an incredibly patient attachment parenting daddy.

Some nights its exhausting, some night its goes smooth, but in the mornings when we all wake up together ... and I hear Z babbling to get someone's attention my heart melts and I know why we parent this way. 

Our daughter M is 11 now, likes to snuggle in the evenings sometimes but always lseeps in her own bed, in her own room now.  And our son G is 8 now sleeps in his own bed in the "boys room" ... he is just the only one of our boys who sleeps there.  When dh works a night shift G will sometimes wander into my room looking for some extra security sleeping close to me and his brothers. 

I am a firm believer in each family doing what works for thie own family ... for us the family bed has been great!    

I used the "get them in their own bed" remark BEFORE I had my own child.  Little did I realize how much my views would change once I had my own little bundle of joy.  Now I TOTALLY agree with your last statement...every family has to do what works for THEM, not what others say they should do.  Besides, what do others care...it is you that has the child in your bed, not them so why should it be any of their concern really?  If doing what works for you means a family bed, great.  If it means their own room and own bed, great.  If parents and kids are happy, that is what is important in the end.  After all, when you decide to have children I think you are deciding that you are ready to put that child's needs above your own so that you can give your child the best possible life.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that mommy takes a total backburner and you find your own balance with everything, but it does become about what is best for your child.  I really hope that is coming across the way I mean it. 

That being said, my DD is 6 1/2 months and currently sleeps in her bed most nights.  Early on, she was either in the bassinet next to my side of the bed or in bed with us.  Once we moved her out of the bassinet at about 2 months or so she went to her bed, but not exclusively.  Some nights she would spend part of the night in her bed in her room and the rest in the bed with us.  Other times she spent the whole night with us.  I decided that I wasn't worried about hurrying up and getting her to stay in her own bed in her own room.  It was more important that we all get the best rest that we could (because mommy can take care of baby if she isn't rested!!), and a lot of times that meant her sleeping next to me so she could easily nurse throughout the night and we both got back to sleep much quicker and easier.  Now she is mostly in her bed, but sometimes starts the night off with us or spends the whole night with us.  My little one is quite the squirmer when sleeping, so now she usually gets a better night's sleep in her own bed where she can move around easier and have her own space.  Also, she has recently gotten to the point where she is able to go to sleep on her own easily, so if she wakes in the middle of the night she goes right back to sleep quickly...unless she needs to eat of course...then she lets us know to come get her!  (We don't practice the "cry it out" method in our home....TOTALLY against it for us.  So, up until the last 3 weeks, she required nursing and/or rocking to sleep to go to bed and to go back to sleep in the middle of the night.)  However, if she is in the bed with me, she will nurse on and off all night long (mainly for comfort not to eat) and doesn't seem to rest as well overall.  So, because of that, I let her spend most nights in her bed in her room.

I applaud you and your DH for the attachment style of parenting.  Anyone who does it knows how hard and taxing on you it can be at times, but you also know the great rewards you get from doing it.  So, anytime someone makes comments to me about the way we parent, I just shrug them off because we do what works for us and it makes for one really happy baby and two really happy parents!!  I say keep up the great parenting you are doing!!!

I also agree that it has to be what works for each family! When my daughter was born, we really wanted her sleeping in her own bed. Well, she had different ideas of how it should be! We struggled with it for 15 months and tried everything out there short of letting her cry it out all night. We rocked her, we sat with her, we did everything we could think of! Finally, at 15 months my husband caved out of sheer exhaustion. I was 6 months pregnant and finishing up my nursing degree at the time, so he wanted me to get as much sleep as I could. We were also preparing to move across the country. So, one night he brought her down to our room and said he couldn't do it anymore. I was thrilled. I think there was a part of me deep down that wanted her in our bed, but between my husband wanting our bed to be "our bed" and then everyone I know stressing how important it is for children to be able to sleep in their own beds, I kind of pushed that out of my mind. Anyway, long story short, our daughter is now in our bed and the change in her is amazing. She sleeps all night and when she wakes up in the morning or from naps she is pleasant. Her naps went from about 45 minutes and her waking up screaming as if having a nightmare to about 2 hours and she just calls for me when she wakes up. In the morning, sometimes I don't even know she is awake and she will finally call for me. She is a different child and I truly believe that there are security issues with her and she needs to be in our bed. My son is a totally different story. I put him in his crib that is also in our room and he puts himself to sleep. He does not really sleep all night - he will wake once or twice, but usually goes right back to sleep. Sometimes he doesn't want to go back to sleep so I'll put him in the bed with us. Or there is the rare night when he sleeps all night with us. It just depends on him and what he wants. He almost always wakes up happy and doesn't have any problems in his crib. He is sleeping with us more and more (he is now 7 months and my daughter is 2), and I imagine there will be a time when he is in our bed most of the time. Which leads me to a question - do any of you have three or more children in your bed, and if so how do you all fit??? :) We are comfortable with my daughter between us and for the most part when both kids are in the bed. Sometimes with both of them I feel crowded. Anyway, we are talking of having another baby and I am just wondering how we will all fit??? And we have a kind size bed as it is!! I'd love to hear from anyone in this situation!

Laura

At our old house we had a futon on the floor  next to our queen size bed ... it was abouot 6" lower , too,  kinda a nice seperation, but it was pushed right up next to my side of the bed.  That was so ideal for me!  But in this house we can bearly fit both the bed and the crib in the room, no room for anything else.  The crib attached to the side of our bed does help.  And remember as your oldest gets older, they won't always want to be in your bed ... I know that seems surprising now ... but its true.  I also had friends who laid two queen mattresses next to each other and it literally made most of their room wall-to-wall matteress.  Very easy for everyone to have enough space.  Be creative try it one way ... if it dosn't work you move on to another idea.