Yikes, this is a tough decision!  I agree with the PP about "reality."  My hubby and I were both military until last summer, when I got out after DD was born.  While I was pregnant, I was stationed on the East coast and he was in Alaska...no fun!  We did not decide who would get out until he had new orders...if he was not offered a "good" job, he was going to get out and stay home with the baby.  We're both very happy with the way it worked out for us, but we were lucky to be at the end of our obligated service, and able to quit if we wanted to.  I know a family where the dad is retiring soon, and the mom is transferring cross-country (a few months before the retirement).  Their awesome solution is that she goes, with the baby, and her parents move in with her to be stay at home grandparents until the hubby retires and is a SAHD.  I think that is so cool.  But a person deploying to Iraq doesn't have that option.  How sad for the baby!  So what would my DH do?  Quit the service, I guess.. :)