I have a 7 week old daughter, that thanks to Beth and Angela showing me the world of baby wearing, has pretty much been held or worn since she was 5 days old.

I am starting to get really negative feedback from some friends and in-laws. They keep telling me, that I am spoiling her, and she will never learn to comfort herself. I am told she will only ever want me, and she will have seperation anxiety.

Personally I feel like by always having her on me we are really connected, and I can anticipate what her needs are before she has to feel upset about it. Plus I really enjoy always having her so close.

My dh, mother and sister also wear her, so she is getting to interact with more than just mom, and she loves snuggling with grandpa. (my dad)

I just don't know what to say to the negative comments. I am suprised by them and don't often have much to say to them. I usually just say, "well this is what works for us".

Have you had this experience at all? How did you respond?

 

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JoLynda

Mama to Jayna 7.10.05

At the beginning of this century, doctors would tell parents to never hold and cuddle with their children, to let them cry it out, etc... I think that after-effect still lingers on today.

I wish I had time to write a lengthy post for you on some ideas to say to your family/friends, but you are doing the right thing by holding your baby, wearing her, nursing her, etc... Babies thrive on contact and love, on the other extreme, babies who are never held or talked to do not do as well, I was just reading last night that an orphanage of babies who were never held had a high mortality rate. One orphanage had a lady they would hand babies to as a last resort and she would hold them and sing to them and they would always get better.

So tell them this is the healthiest and most natural thing to do for your baby.

My mom wears Satori alot too, I wonder if I wrapped her around grandpa if she would get over her shyness of big guys with deep voices, hehe.

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Angela
Mama to Satori (11/04)

Hi JoLynda,

That is so great that you started babywearing with your daughter so young. Both for her and you.

When people say that they will have separation anxiety or not learn to comfort themselves I usually mention that studies have shown that babies that are worn usually are more confident and independent then babies who are not worn in the long run. Because there is such a deep seeded sense of trust between caregivers and parents with the child at a very young age they have more confidence to go out and explore later and still know they can come back and be close when needed.

From what I've been told by early child development caregivers separation anxiety is normal and usually a given sometime in a child's life. That there is no real  way around that. And it is best to see it as a phase that will pass instead of "training" them not to acknowledge their feelings. It usually lasts a few months then passes. And can happen at least 3 times: 3mos. old, 7 mos. old and 12 mos. old. During that time babywearing is great! It is a great tool for you and also allows your child to be happy near you. Knowing that you are there when they need you and giving them the confidence to go explore. So, most child development psychologists say "just deal with it, because it is going to happen."

The benefits of babywearing far outweigh the fear of spoiling them. Usually, if you can mention some of the benefits they may realize they are speaking without any real experience other then what they know.

Also, my MIL use to say things like that. Usually because she is afraid that by doing something different then how they raised her child is a negative comment against her. Because we chose to raise our child differently implies that she didn't do a good job. I still don't have any good advice about that. I'm still dealing with it myself. I have said that I think she did a wonderful job raising my DH. But, she still can't help but feel insecure.

HTH

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Terri
Mama to Emma born 1.08.2004
Attached to Baby Wrap Advisor

Emma and Angela~

Thanks for the insight. I think that may be why some in laws say rude things, that maybe because the are raising their children differently, that they look at it as "against them".

I know in my heart being available to my baby is the right thing. They are only babies for such a short time, and I am okay with surronding her with my attention.

I just feel really sensitive to peopls's comments lately. I get very offended when some people say things that go against how I parent. (must be the pp hormones!)

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JoLynda

Mama to Jayna 7.10.05